I have some thoughts forming which I’m just going to write and see where they go. I was “impressed” (more like outraged, actually, as you would expect) by this article, written by one of the greatest narcissists in journalism today, Liz Jones of the Daily Mail. Don’t get me wrong here – no hate – but I have read her diary for years (I don’t know why!), and I know how her mind works. I know that everything is someone else’s fault, and that she is nigh-on incapable of being understanding, gentle or selfless (at least in print!). She believes herself to be all those things, but somehow the rest of us can’t see it, and indeed see her as a self-absorbed and somewhat comical figure. I feel immense sadness for her – somehow she has gone though life with narcissism affecting all her relationships and cannot see it. I know other people like that personally, and it has brought them great sorrow.
Back to the article. Liz was interviewing a woman who has written three “self-help” books, which, in my opinion, are based on inculcating narcissism (me me me!) into more women (because men don’t generally read this stuff). This first quote sets the stage (Link for the full article):
When a book with the tantalising title The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*** landed on my desk last year, I was intrigued. Even more so by the subtitle: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have With People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want To Do.
Right. I continued to read, and Liz says:
I spend my life doing things I don’t want to, with people I can’t stand. I always try to please everyone and my unwillingness to challenge authority has made me bankrupt. Reading the introduction, with its no-nonsense, funny approach, made me think differently. I do matter. I deserve a nice life.
She goes on to tell us that the author of the books, Sarah Knight, has changed her life and is sharing the steps she took. Her first two books are million sellers! The second book is called “Get Your S*** Together”. Hmmm.
The article is designed to push Sarah’s third book, called “You Do You”. Oh dear. Please take a moment, if you will, to remind yourself of how we, as believers, view ourselves. The idea of being ourselves (with all the fleshly stuff left alone), and saying that’s OK, is not really the way we want to be. I am the clay, God is the potter – let Him have His way, NOT mine! As someone who has sinned a lot prior to knowing God I can say that doing things “my way” was really bad for me! Anyway, back to the quote, because this is where we see Jezebel really come through: [my emphasis added]
Which brings us to her new book, You Do You: How to be Who You Are And Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want. ‘I want to guide people towards self-acceptance and confidence,’ says Sarah, ‘even if you possess any of the “flaws” outlined in the book. I’m not trying to change who you are. I want to help you change how you feel and cope with the way others treat you.’ And the anxiety and depression? ‘I know how to nip it in the bud.’
Wow. A self-help guru who is depressive, anxious, imperfect… ‘That’s why they call me the anti-guru,’ she says. ‘If you’re a Negative Nancy, stop thinking of that as negative. You’re a realist. Your pessimism helps protect you from bad outcomes because you prepare. There’s nothing wrong with that. The book’s not called You Improve You – it’s called You Do You for a reason.’
Surely you need to have a big ego to think that way? ‘Ha ha, you noticed! Why is saying someone has a big ego never a compliment? Are people afraid of confidence? This is who I am. I went to Harvard. I was the first female president of the 152-year-old college theatre group. I had a great career. I’ve written two bestselling books. These are facts and I don’t see why I wouldn’t acknowledge them. My brand is about candour.’
Yikes! Wow! Um… I have no words for that! This is the last “food” that modern women need! This is worse than mere feminism, this is narcissism!
Which takes me onto a second set of thoughts. You see Sarah is just a nice looking girl – perfectly presentable with a big smile. She looks perfectly normal, yet underneath she is someone who believes that she should be putting herself first. Self-sacrifice is a trait of femininity. When that goes, you are left with shrewish narcissistic behaviour which is just plain harmful to husbands and families.
So my second set of thoughts relates to men. My man friend has been divorced twice. He has suffered at the hands of the mothers of his children. He knows the pain of “modernity” and feminism. Today is International Men’s Day. I want to share some thoughts which might be hard for men to accept. You see my man friend thinks I am beautiful. To him I am, and that is a wonderful thing! But what lies beneath beauty is what men need to take a much closer look at. So far so good, I am pleasing to him – I hope that continues! But men are visual creatures. They are attracted by the way a woman looks. Can any man tell the difference between a shrew and a proper woman (wife material)? Sarah’s husband is happy – they’ve been together 18 years and married for ten. He is clearly content. I hope so!
But so many men are making fundamental errors in choosing a woman by her appearance and not the content of her character, and somehow that has to change. In days gone by when make-up was seen as “whorish”, and little but powder and rouge were applied, a girl was a girl. You could see she was young, and you could see she was healthy. Now women online will often not only paint their faces, they will filter their photographs so that men have no idea what they are getting.
It’s not just the acne scars – it’s that often a man doesn’t know a woman before he sets his heart on her. He goes by what he sees, and he is dazzled by her make up! In fact how much do both sexes project on each other based on looks? Based on presentation?! I have been guilty of this in the past, and I understand the error first hand. One former friend told me that he always believed that beautiful girls were nice girls – that he projected on them that they were nice, kind, gentle etc., because of how they looked. This is such a massive error!
Courting a girl, and really getting to know her, is vital for a man to decide if she is going to be in alignment with his plans for their life together! No sex! Just getting to know each other. Being on the same page is so important. It saves so much grief!
My final comment is one of pure realism: no matter how pretty the girl is now, if you are really blessed and she doesn’t break your heart, you will end up with her looking little like she does now when you are old together. Yes, a man needs to see attractive qualities in his woman, but he also shouldn’t place her beauty above her inner qualities. After all the beautiful Brigitte Bardot went from this:
As all old ladies do!
I think she looks pretty amazing actually, for her age.
So can you spot a shrew? Are you making decisions made on looks instead of the content of someone’s character? If you see any of Sarah Knight’s books on your girlfriend’s bookshelf, it might be time to leave!
God Bless you